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Watch Michelle tell her story!

Hi. My name is Michelle. I am a birthmother. I placed my child for adoption 3 years ago. I started thinking about adoption about 3 or 4 months into the pregnancy. It was just the best decision for me, and even more for my child. I met the family about 6 months into the pregnancy, and they were great. They made the adoption process much easier because they were just very comforting, very nice, always smiling. I felt comfortable with them. I would go back and forth with the decision on what to do, whether to place him for adoption or just ‘tough it out and make things work’. But in the end, placing him for adoption was the best.

He’s with the family that he’s always meant to be with. He’s with the family God chose him to be with. I truly believe that. It makes it a lot easier seeing how happy they are. We’re pretty close with the adoptive family -we’re on Facebook together. I actually just had my child, my first child, me and my husband, and they came to the baby shower. We get pictures of him and we just got to spend some time with them. That made it a lot easier to see how happy he really is growing up with them.

The adoptive parents also make it much easier because they are very open with Eli, that’s his name, they are very open with him about who we are. Michelle, the mom, always calls me his birthmother. And she calls my mom Grandma Beth. So, he knows who we all are. There are no secrets and no hiding it. Even at three-years-old, he already knows. So, it makes it’s easier that they are teaching him that, and I’m not going to be out of his life, and he’s going to know who I am.

If I could speak to a birthmother, I would tell her that the different feelings that she’s probably going through are completely understandable. Feel free to talk to someone about them. I know when I first started thinking about adoption, the hardest part for me was I was going back and forth thinking maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson. But finally, I turned it around, and I knew that the real reason that I was thinking about adoption is because it was the best choice for Eli. And he deserved so much more than I could have given him. And even though I would have been able to provide for him, that there was a different family out there for him. And he needed to be with them, and not with me. And that it wasn’t a punishment for me, but it was a gift for somebody else.

The hospital stay was very helpful. I invited the adoptive parents in the delivery room. That was a really awesome experience, just to see how happy they were … to see the joy on their faces. The father got to cut the umbilical cord. I really wanted it to be that way. The first day after the delivery, Eli roomed in with me. The hospital was nice enough to give the adoptive family their own room. Eli was with me in my room the first day and the first night, and then he was with them for the rest of the time. That was a really good experience for me. I got to bond with him and get to know him. It made me feel better that he knew who I was, that I was his birthmother and that I was doing this for him.

Emotionally, it was hard at first. There is the sad side, and then of course, of losing a child. But I look at it more as giving somebody else the greatest gift that anybody could have given. I gave the gift of a child to a mother and father. And I gave the gift of a brother to another brother. That’s just the greatest feeling in the world. And seeing how happy he is, it makes me very proud of myself. I know that I’m a stronger person for being able to do it. It also helps that those around me were supportive and told me how proud they were of me, and how strong I was, and how they knew it was a tough decision but I was still able to do it, and how I was so selfless to do be able to do the best for somebody else. That’s love.

Michelle

Hello, my name is Katie and I am 30 years old. My journey through the adoption process began just a few days after my 27th birthday when I found out that I was pregnant. I already had 3 children under the age of four and I was recently divorced, unemployed, and living with my parents. This pregnancy was not planned and I was so scared and overwhelmed with trying to figure out how I could support another baby. I had so many emotions and fears going through my mind and I am so ashamed to admit this but the first thought I had was to have an abortion. This seemed like the solution to all of “my problems”. If I had an abortion I could hide the shame of being pregnant as well as not having to deal with how I would support another child. I sat down with a phone book ready to call abortion clinics and get some prices. I made the first phone call and I wrote down the amount that they quoted to me. I hung up the phone and I looked at the amount that I had written down and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was looking at what they thought my child was worth. I instantly felt sick to my stomach and I knew that I could never do that to my baby. I threw away the paper and I began to pray. I told God I was sorry for getting myself into this situation and I needed His wisdom and strength to show me what to do.

There was a woman that my aunt goes to church with that gave me the name of Generations Adoptions. I did not call right away but eventually I did pick up the phone and I called them. I was put in contact with my caseworker, Jackie. She came and took me to lunch one day and we talked about where I was in my life and where I wanted to be at in my life. I thought that if I said I wanted to place my child for adoption that people would automatically judge me and say I was a “bad mom” for not wanting my child. To my surprise Jackie understood what I was saying and she told me what an incredible gift I could give to a family that was unable to have children. It had never occurred to me that God might want to use me to help another family in a way I never dreamed possible. After our first meeting I knew in my heart that God was leading me to place my child for adoption.

The facts of my situation were that I could not support my child and that I had a responsibility to my baby to protect him and give him the best possible life that I could, even if that meant he did not live with me. Jackie took time to explain to me that I could still keep in contact with my child if I placed him for adoption. She told me I could receive pictures and correspondence from the adoptive family so that I could have peace of mind knowing he was being taken care of and loved. Jackie became more than just my caseworker, she became my friend. She accompanied me to all of my doctor’s appointments and we had wonderful conversations over lunch. When the time came for a family to be chosen for my child I wanted to choose them myself. I had no idea how I would be able to choose a family because I wished I could help them all. When I sat down to read all of the different profiles, I had decided before I even arrived that day that I wanted to find a family that I thought I would like to grow up with and live with. I carefully read all of the profiles and I found the family that I felt like I had the most common interest with and the family that I could see myself feeling comfortable with. I told Jackie which one I had chosen and she set up a dinner for all of us to meet in person. I was so nervous to meet them, I wondered if they would like me.

Jackie and I arrived at the restaurant together and I met Rob and Kim for the first time. They hugged me and we all sat down to eat. They brought me a scrap book which introduced me to their families. It had pictures of Rob and Kim, their parents and their siblings and nieces and nephews! It was the most amazing and thoughtful gift I ever could have received. I took the scrap book home and I studied each and every picture telling my baby all about his parents, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles! Shortly after our first meeting we all met at the hospital for the delivery. Kim came with me into the delivery room. When our baby boy arrived both Kim and I cried as we welcomed this precious child into the world. Rob and Kim named their son Tyler and we spent the next few days in the hospital together getting to know one another. We laughed and really bonded with one another. Then as I was released from the hospital I was overwhelmed with so many emotions and I wondered if I had made the right choice. The next few days were hard and I cried innumerable tears. But in my heart I never second guessed the family I had chosen for Tyler.

I then started to get my life headed in the direction that I wanted to go in. Each day I kept taking steps forward and at first it seemed to move so slowly, but with each passing day I became closer and closer to my personal goals. I was able to move to the city I wanted to raise my children in and I was blessed with a job that enabled me to support my family. About one year after I had Tyler I purchased my first home for my children and I. Shortly after buying our first home I met my husband and we got married. I have come such a long way from where I was when I found out I was pregnant with Tyler. I am still in contact with Rob and Kim and they send me pictures of Tyler and keep me up to date on how he is and what he is doing. I love them and I am so happy about the decision I made to place Tyler in his family. He is safe, loved and taken care of and I am at complete peace with every choice I made for him. I put Tyler’s best interest before myself and we are all right where we need to be.

I also wanted to share how this has affected my other three children. I sat them all down and told them about Tyler and I explained to them that God wanted to use us to help a family that would not be able to have children without our help. I told them that we got to share our baby brother with Rob and Kim. They were thrilled to be apart of something so important! We have pictures of their brother, Tyler, up at our home and we pray together for Tyler. They want to be able to meet Tyler again someday and they love that they have another brother. This entire process of adoption has been a blessing to everyone involved and I am so grateful to have been able to be a part of this! I have no regrets about my decision and I take every chance I am given to talk about it and share how great this has been for us.

Katie

Dear Adoptive Family, 

Cheerleading, golf team, varsity basketball team, and youth group are just a few of the organizations I held leadership roles when I became pregnant at 16. Raised in a small Texas town, everyone knows everyone and word travels fast so I was very concerned about how the people in my town would react. I soon found that people do realize that mistakes are made and everyone was supportive.

I was in my first serious relationship, and at ages 16 and 17, my boyfriend and I had to make the most difficult decision of our lives. We honestly didn’t know what to do. We were not alone though because we are blessed to come from Christian homes with very supportive parents. We decided to explore adoption and parenting. When I first heard the words “open adoption,” I found out that I could place my birth daughter in a stable, loving, Christian home, and still be able to have a relationship with her and her family.

Throughout the decision making process the birth father and I discussed real life situations, like the dreaded budget, with our case worker. At 17, I had no clue how much it cost to raise a child and it really opened our eyes. We also made a list of pro’s and con’s for parenting and adoption. The list included a side for us and a side for the child. After much prayer and discussion, the birth father and I decided open adoption was the best choice for the child and for each of us.

We began to look through adoptive family profiles. All the families were Christians which was important to us. We were also looking for a stay-at-home mommy. We began to gradually narrow down the families after much prayer, discussion, and input from our parents. We soon were confident that we had found the perfect parents for our daughter. At that moment our families became one.

It has now been 4 1⁄2 years and I can say without any doubt, with the Lord’s hand guiding us, we DID find the perfect family for Taylor. It was still difficult at first – placing Taylor in her parent’s arms. Each time I saw the happiness in Taylor’s eyes and how wonderful her parents were, I became more at peace with our decision. She had everything I wouldn’t have been able to give her and I could continue to pursue my dreams, while watching her grow, showing her I truly love her, just being a part of her life and building a relationship with her family.

Our relationship developed through phone calls and visits. In open adoption building a relationship with the child and her parents is very important. Over the years our relationship has developed as a family and in other ways we never imagined at 17. Her parents have been role models, best friends, and like a brother/sister to me. I can not imagine what my life would be like without them. They have been there for me through good and bad, as I have for them, and I know it will always be this way for the rest of my life.

My heart jumps for joy each time Taylor whispers to me in her sweet voice “I love you.” She does love me! She knows that she grew in my tummy and the Lord picked the two wonderful people to be her parents. Since I am part of her life, I will be able to answer any questions she may have in the future about her adoption. Most importantly, she will always know how much I care for her, because I will be here not only to tell her, but to show her my love.

With love,
A Birthmom

“Thank you for saving my life in very many ways. Some say I gave you life; the truth is you gave life back to me. You came into my life and because of that I realized I could not be the mother you deserved, the influence you need, the heart you are to steal, I pray one day you will see. Because of you I have found myself, not a rebellious, sinful teen, but a determined young woman with God on my team. You have changed my life for the better in ways I can not comprehend …

Fifteen years from now when I look back I will have no regrets, because I am so sure the young woman you have become has God impressed. Your mother and father are wonderful people, close to my heart. Though we are not in the presence we are never far apart … Do not ever for a second think I did not think twice, I wanted to be your momma but God’s plans were bigger than mine. Giving you the life I never had was and still is the hardest things I have ever done, but I had to do the best thing for you because you are my number one. You are my world, my sunshine, and my grace.”